Hi folks,
how are you guys doing? Everything relaxed?
Things aren’t going so well for me at the moment. Well. As far as our trip is concerned, everything is okay. But my attempts to get into the upper unit have failed miserably so far. Not that I couldn’t climb up. I’m a sloth after all, I can hang out anywhere. It takes a little time, but it works. Always.
Unfortunately, it’s of no use at all when I hang onto the push button that opens the wall unit. This is because the door opens upwards, which would then inevitably leave me stuck to the ceiling. Besides, I can’t open it anyway. I think even Leopold would have problems there, although he is so strong and heavy. But he doesn’t even manage to climb anywhere, and certainly not that far up. Leopold is more of a down-to-earth guy.
Speaking of the ground. The other day we all were sitting comfortably in our seats during the drive – at least Leona, Hilde and I were sitting comfortably, Leopold not so much – and singing along to the Annie Way playlist. Since Ursula no longer sings, we have taken over. The song was called “Rote Lippen soll man küssen” (“Red lips should be kissed”), which Petra had chosen for Ursula, and Ursula always has to laugh when it comes on. We Lionfields are now a well-rehearsed quartet and could perform at any time. If someone wants to book us …
Hilde has an angelic voice, beautiful, she sings her own reverb right along and doesn’t need a synthesizer for that. The Leona is a rock singer, a mixture of Tina Turner and Pink. Unbelievable what such a pixie and a lioness can do vocally! As always, I am the boss, but I nobly hold back and sing the second voice. Rather unintentionally. And as a precaution, quietly. Leopold plays the tuba, he just sings Tüü Tüü with his bass. But everything together sounds just brilliant. As I said, if anyone wants to book us, we have a 400 km long repertoire of Deep Purple, Tina Turner, Queen, Cyndi Lauper, the Beatles, ABBA – yes, indeed! – to Fool’s Garden, Dolly Parton and the winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature … What was his name? Not to forget Whitney Huston, Pink Floyd, Aretha Franklin, Willie Nelson, John Denver and many more.
So, we were 75% comfortably and 25% not so comfortably sitting in Annie Way and singing. Because they are there for kissing. Red lips are the seventh …
And just at that moment, Ursula turned off the music. I protested loudly. What does she allow herself anyway, without asking! Who is the boss here?
But Ursula only said: “Sorry, guys, but now it’s getting curvy and steep, and besides, the asphalt has just vanished. I need to hear what Annie Way needs for gear, and I can’t do that when you’re singing. As soon as we get back to a normal road, I’ll switch the music on again.”
What more can I say? She needs to hear which gear Annie Way needs! Soon she will have to smell if the Annie Way has enough AdBlue! By the way, this is called DEF here, but it stinks just the same. Or see where we are going! She’s not fussy about that at all. For that she would have to clean the windshield, but she forgets every time. Again and again. And then she complains! Anyway, I’ve told her several times not to complain to me if she doesn’t think. I’m the sloth, I don’t get paid to think. To be precise, I don’t get paid at all. I run a company and a gang, and then there’s nothing in it for me. I need to get into this wall unit!
In any case, we then drove a winding, unpaved road with potholes and washboards. Leona, Hilde and I already knew this from the Top of the World Highway, but Leopold had been sitting on the passenger seat and not seen anything. For him, it was the first time that he was able to experience such a ride visually. And while Annie Way was purring with pleasure, Leopold began to fiddle with his seat belt. And suddenly it went “plop” and Leopold had disappeared. Simply gone. Threw himself off the armrest.
Ursula didn’t even notice that. She didn’t purr, but she also looked like she was really enjoying it. And it took her quite a long time to realize that Leopold had disappeared from his armrest. He was lying on the floor behind the passenger seat, looking a little green in the face.
But that was the last time he acted like that. Since then, he has taken it all much more lightly. He even plays “Who will see the next bear first?” with us, and he’s pretty good at it. However, he wanted to change the rules of the game. In fact, a grizzly should score more points than a black bear because a grizzly is bigger.
What’s the point of this again? It’s not the size that matters! Imagine, then Leopold would be our boss or possibly even Ursula! No, it can’t be. I am the boss here, and the height is irrelevant! And bear is bear, no matter if brown or black or small or big.
Somehow, Leopold has become troublesome lately. He looks at the world with confidence, is in the best of moods, is easy-going and thinks he can tell me what to do. I mean, are we still on? Cannot climb and wants to tell us what to do! Because he thinks that if I’m telling the real truth, then I have to tell everything. How it really was.
I always tell you everything anyway. Honestly! The things which Ursula does not tell. The fact that the other day she almost filled the fluid for the windshield into the container for the brake fluid, for example. That would have been a fine mess! Fortunately, at the last moment, it did strike her as funny, and she kept looking. The windshield fluid cap is pretty hidden, but Ursula found it. Not that it made the windshield any cleaner.
Leopold, the annoying guy, thinks I also have to tell what Ursula can’t tell because she doesn’t know!
What a nonsense, where would we end up? I decide what I tell. Full stop.
Speaking of what Ursula does not know. Annie Way was not tight in the back for some time, and it dripped onto the mattress when it rained. Ursula has been working on the seals, and lo and behold, with the recent downpours, everything was back in order. Annie Way is tight again. Maybe it really was just a little rock or some other contaminant that got between the seals during our wild drive along the Top of the World Highway! Anyway, we don’t need to know everything, the main thing is that it no longer drips.
Our miraculous sock multiplication has got a continuation. We were looking for a green and blue striped sock, but none showed up. Not that Ursula needs socks anymore, the sock bag is almost impossible to close, as full as it is. But purely in principle, if you walk this earth as a sock and have to do it all by yourself, it’s kind of a half-assed thing. When Ursula was doing laundry in Seattle the other day, we were all anxious to see if the second green and blue striped sock would finally show up. Ursula opened the dryer – nothing. When she had taken out and folded everything and was about to leave the Laundry Room, a man came in and opened the dryer, which contained his laundry. And suddenly he held a green and blue striped sock in his hand and shook his head in amazement. “Oh, that’s mine!” said Ursula, and took it from his hand. The man shook his head in even more amazement, but didn’t get to say anything because Ursula was already on her way out.
Now we have one more pair of socks. Ursula has not even worn the yolk yellow ones yet. I strongly suspect she won’t wear the green and blue striped ones either. She only takes the black ones, occasionally the dark blue ones, but that seems to be by accident. The ones with bees, which she claims are bumblebees, she also wears. We’ll see how things will develope with the yolk yellow and the green and blue striped socks. I’ll keep you guys posted.
Well, folks, that’s the end of my report.
Yes, it is. Leopold is looking at me rather sternly right now. If I don’t come out with the truth, he says, then he will.
What’s the point? First of all, I’m the boss here, and he has no say at all. Secondly, he can come out as much as he wants, as long as he doesn’t get to the laptop, it doesn’t matter at all. And thirdly, I repeat: I have never been to New York. Just because Leopold almost …, I mean, he just wants to show off! And because he’s seen more grizzlies than I have, he wants them to count more. Where are we going with this? Leopold is here to watch over all of us so that nothing happens to us, not to boss around with me. At least now there is peace in the Br… I mean, he should leave me in peace. Sometimes he gets on my nerves, the fine Mr. Lion! Leopold the Annoying!
I’m telling you guys, it’s not easy being the boss of a gang. Maybe we really should switch to band. As I said, we sing brilliantly as long as Ursula doesn’t sing along. If anyone would like to hire us, we are available starting in November. We arrive in Hamburg on November 6, Ursula has already booked our return trip. However, if there really is something golden in the upper cabinet, we wouldn’t need the singing anymore. It doesn’t even have to be the size of an ostrich egg. A golden duck egg would be enough. Or a chicken that lays golden eggs!
Have a good time. And keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well for us in the next two months, too. Because if Leopold tells the truth, I can pack up.
Yours, Sally
(Sally the Sloth, Executive Vice-President of The Lionfields Gang INC., NY/NY)
