Hi folks,
It’s about time I had my say again. Otherwise it will be too Ursula-heavy and you won’t find out what really happened.
We’re also a band now, which means I have even more to do than before. Hilde, Leona and Leopold asked me to stop singing and take on the much more important job of manager instead. As a boss, you can’t choose what you do, you have to do what is necessary. The Lionfields need a manager, and that can only be me.
Hilde is on a Cyndi Lauper kick right now. Howlingly beautiful! Recently, Leopold has specialized in Freddy Mercury. The madness par excellence, this voice! And Leona has discovered Janice Joplin for herself. The other day, Leona and Leopold sang “I was born to love you” as a duet. Guys, I’m telling you, even the sloth got goosebumps.
While we’re on the subject of Leona and Leopold … The two of them are back together. That’s okay, I think. This time they are taking it easier. That could work.
Since Leona has started singing, she also has started talking. In the beginning, just one or two sentences a day. But last week she realized that you can also tell a story. And she has been unstoppable ever since. She talks all the time, so much that even Leopold sometimes rolls his eyes. As if she had to catch up on everything. Not that we would have missed her constant chatter so far. But maybe that’s just what Leona needs at the moment.
We’ve had to deal with a few glitches recently. First the sock bag burst because Ursula fished three more pairs out of various dryers. I don’t understand why she even takes red socks with her when she doesn’t wear them anyway! And gray. And white. What’s the point?
Incidentally, the sock bag is a fabric bag, so it takes a lot to make it burst. As 24 pairs of socks rolled through Annie Way, we immediately saw that there were a few singles among them that we hadn’t known about before. But we still have a few weeks to go, so maybe the others will turn up. Somewhere in Canada.
Another time, Annie Way’s step jammed at the sliding door and wouldn’t retract. This is normally done automatically with a switch. Ursula kicked the board without further ado, causing it to move inwards a little, extended it again, retracted it until it got stuck, kicked it as far as it would go, and so on. After a few minutes it worked again. Probably too much mud had collected after a rainstorm and it had dried up. At least that’s how Ursula explained it.
Then came the fall. Ursula parked the Annie Way in the parking lot at Lake Tahoe beach and disappeared. We then saw her leaving in a kayak and were a little disappointed that she didn’t take us with her. Half an eternity later, she came back and walked along the beach. And again without us! I mean, what is she actually thinking?
A whole eternity later, a chalk-pale Ursula hobbled over and mumbled something about “clumsy”. I also heard a few of the words that my good upbringing forbids me to repeat. She should have taken us with her, then she certainly wouldn’t have fallen!
Less than two hours later, the bears were standing in front of Annie Way’s sliding door. To be honest, I was scared to death. But Ursula had just closed the door. Closed from the inside. She often sits outside in front of the closed sliding door so that no flies can get in. The flies still get in, but they are harmless. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if Ursula had been sitting outside. Then the Lionfields would have to look for a new job. By the way, I still haven’t made it to the top cupboard. And as announced last time, if anyone is looking for a band – the Lionfields will be available from November. Ursula also has another reading in November. Yet she hasn’t written anything of literary value. Only the travel blog, and you really can’t call that art. Otherwise my outpourings would be art too!
Because we were just talking about dangerous animals: Long ago I told you which animals are the most dangerous. Squirrels and chipmunks. They actually are. There was a sign at Lake Tahoe, and the sign said that they carry the plague and that you are not allowed to feed them.
The plague! People, the PLAGUE! And we were scared to death because of two fluffy black bears! They were brown, by the way. But they were still black bears. Even grizzlies are not always brown. There are even white grizzlies! And squirrels also come in different colors and sizes. Some are as small as me, others as big as Leopold.
At the Grand Canyon we had to wait for Ursula quite a long time. And Annie Way was of course positioned in an angle that we could see of the Grand Canyon – What do you think we saw of the Grand Canyon? – Nothing. Simply nothing at all. There were trees in front of us. I’ll never forgive Ursula! I think it’s understandable that she doesn’t drag Leopold along, he’s heavy. But Hilde, Leona and I are as light as feathers, she could take us with her when she goes to the Grand Canyon. Then it probably wouldn’t have happened to her that she didn’t find her way back to Annie Way because we would have paid attention. It was already very dark when she returned. And she looked pretty meek. Because it’s a vertical descent and there’s no barrier anywhere. What do we learn from this? If you go to the Grand Canyon, take the sloth with you!
In Memphis, she held Elvis’ original microphone in her hand. And who wasn’t allowed to sing? That’s right, the Lionfields! That would have been our chance to be discovered at Sun Studio too. But no, the lady was there without us! The things we have to put up with! And who wasn’t there when she was on stage at the Ryman’s in Nashville? Well, who do you think?
We got our own hammock for this. Ursula remembered that she has a hammock in pink and purple in Annie Way’s storage room, but because nothing is allowed to be hung on tree trunks in North America so as not to damage the trees, the hammock has never been used. But Ursula thought that we and Leopold were much lighter than her, so we got our own hammock. It’s very comfortable to hang out in. Nevertheless, I’ll never forgive Ursula for not seeing the Grand Canyon and not being allowed to sing in Memphis or Nashville!
Ursula has already told you about the tire anyway. It’s great how helpful other people are! And how beautifully in unison they were limping, Ursula because of her right foot and Annie Way because of her right rear tire. That’s what I call solidarity. However, we Lionfields stayed out of it. We need all our paws and feet saf if we want to have our first gigs in November. By the way, did I mention that we have appointments available from November?
Leopold the Annoying is looking at me sternly again. It’s not just me who says that Leopold is annoying, Leona says that too. But for a different reason.
Leopold wants me to tell you about New York. We have discussed this. And it’s not our fault, we were the victims. So now I’ll tell you what happened. The real truth.
The three of us were sitting in the dark upper cupboard on the dark lower deck of the Atlantic Sail. That was three days after Ursula locked us up and dropped us off at the harbor. And because we were bored, we played. Leopold and me. Hilde was in the cutlery drawer. And Leona was still very quiet back then, but she listened and occasionally giggled. That’s how we knew that she understood us. It was Leopold’s turn on City-Country-River and he rattled off: Valencia – Virginia – Vaal – Valisera – Victoria – Violet – Vet – …
Then we heard a noise. The door of the top cupboard, which opens upwards, was opened and a complete stranger looked at us. We were terrified and froze accordingly.
“Hi, what are you doing here?” he asked in a friendly way. It was a young man with dark, short hair. We remained silent.
“Now don’t be spoilsports, I heard you. You can talk. At least the tall one can.” We remained silent.
By then, all three of us were grabbed and lifted out of the top cupboard. A little rough, if I may say so. And I saw it. The tattoo. This is what gang tattoos look like.
“Well, I’m Antonio. And who are you?”
“I am Leopold, and this is…”
At that moment, it occurred to me that it might be wise to give myself a Spanish name when dealing with organized crime. I was named after Ursula’s aunt Rosi, who was called Sali as a child. So I quickly said, “I’m Rosalia.”
The young man stared at me. “You are Rosalia? The Great Rosalia? And this must be Leopoldo, your bodyguard and the man for the rough stuff at the Lionfields? Oh my goodness. It’s an honor!” He bowed somewhat awkwardly, but very politely.
Leopold looked at me with wide eyes, I looked at Leopold with wide eyes, and we realized that we weren’t going to get out of this. I winked at him to get him to play along.
“What’s this all about?” I asked in a stern voice.
It took Antonio a moment to compose himself. “It’s … because we’ve got a bigger load than usual this time … and I thought that nobody was looking at the motorhomes, because only the trucks are checked, so I took a few keys, they’re hanging in a box, it’s locked, but it’s easy to open, and the keys have the car numbers on them, and that’s how I got in here, because I wanted to hide something and …”
“It’s all right,” I tried to reassure the poor guy. “You did a good job.” I mean, what else could I have said?
And who the … is the Great Rosalia?
Well, in this case it was probably me. With Leopoldo, the bodyguard and man for the rough stuff.
“But this is my van, you’re not hiding anything here.” And then I had a great idea. “We don’t want to spend all our time sitting in this wall unit. You take us into your cabin now.”
That’s what Antonio did. So we only spent three days in the dark, gloomy top cupboard. Antonio’s cabin was very cozy, and because he had to work anyway and wasn’t there most of the time, we had a lot of fun.
Leopold is looking so stern again. Yes, I’ll tell you what happened next in a moment. I mean, we really couldn’t help it. But as soon as we docked in Halifax harbor, Antonio packed us into a bag and drove us to the airport. We flew to New York. In hand luggage, stowed in the overhead locker of a plane! Did I mention that I was beginning to have a certain antipathy towards wall units? Even though I really want to get into Annie Way’s top cupboard because there’s something golden up there that we don’t know how big it is. The size of a chicken egg? No matter …
I’m already going on anyway. Leopold is really annoying, the way he looks at me! He can look so trusting when Ursula is around!
As soon as we landed in New York, Antonio was picked up by a stretch limousine. That they have to fulfill every cliché? But it was very nice and we had plenty of space. A lot of space.
Then Antonio carried us into a house and took us to a conference room. “The others have all come because they want to meet the Great Rosalia in person.”
My goodness. I urgently needed some information. “Which ones have come?” That was the only thing I could think of.
“Everyone from the Bronx. The boss of each gang.”
Do you know the feeling when despair spreads through you? When it slowly crawls upwards from the foot claws until it reaches the chest area and you can hardly breathe? When the cold sweat suddenly sticks to your forehead? Is your snout trembling? And your heart is pounding in your ears?
That’s how the Great Rosalia felt at that moment, wishing for nothing more than to simply be Sally the Sloth and sit in Annie Way’s dark, gloomy wall unit, together with Leopold and Leona, and play town – country – river, and even with X or Y if necessary. My antipathy towards wardrobes turned into a great longing.
But I didn’t have time to think about anything, especially not about wall units. There really was a group of men and women waiting, and they all stood up very politely when we entered. I mean, Antonio entered, Leopold, Leona and I were carried.
Antonio sat us at the table, at the long end, and I nodded graciously to the gentlemen and ladies in turn. At least I tried to make it seem kind of gracious, even if it was hopeless. There was no wall cupboard I could have disappeared into …
What should I tell them? What does the sloth know about New York gangs? And it was precisely at this moment that I had the idea that saved me. Why should I say anything? I was the Great Rosalia. They should tell me something!
“Nice to meet you. I’d like you to take it in turn to tell me what’s going on in your hood. How things are going, how you earn your money and what problems there are.”
Then I looked at the first gentleman sitting to my left, challenging him. At least I hoped it had an inviting effect. But I needn’t have worried so much. The mere fact that they thought I was the Great Rosalia was enough to make them obey my every word. Will Ursula obey me when she finds out who I really am? But Ursula would rather abandon me in the wilderness among a horde of squirrels than let me order her around. Even though I’m the boss!
The gang bosses reported one after the other, and basically they all said the same thing. The same problems, the same worries. And what was completely missing was success. At least if you refuse to regard murders of other gangs’ members as successes.
When the last one had finished, I took the floor. And summarized what I heard. Flanked by Leopold and Leona, I felt very strong. The gang leaders confirmed that they all had the same problems. That the police now knew that weapons are transported in baby carriages. And drugs in teddy bears or stuffed lions. That young people are constantly being killed.
“I’ve had enough of this. I don’t want this anymore. And be honest, you don’t want it either.”
And so it came that they all made peace with each other.
Then I turned to Antonio. “We have to be at the port in Halifax on May 2. We’ll be picked up there.”
When Antonio wanted to get into the stretch limousine with us, he was distracted for a moment because there was so much traffic on the road and a car was honking, so the Leopold slipped out of his hand. He really is very heavy. But the bad thing was that it had rained beforehand and Leopold almost landed in a puddle. Ursula would have been surprised if she had found a soaking wet lion in the wall cupboard.
Speaking of wardrobes: shortly afterwards we were in one again, on the plane, and then in Annie Way’s upper cupboard, from which we were freed three hours later by Ursula and had to pretend it had all been terrible.
It was. But not as terrible as Ursula thought. And we really couldn’t help it!
Leopold is looking so stern again. I’ve really told you everything now! The whole, pure, real truth and nothing but the truth. The little bit I left out is not important at all.
Besides, my paws are already hurting from writing. I’m a sloth, I wasn’t made to be industrious. But I’m in good company here anyway. A lion sleeps 22 hours a day. A lioness not quite as long, but also.
Guys, I hope I haven’t spoiled your day with these revelations. I would have gladly spared you if Leopold hadn’t been so annoying. He still looks so stern. He’s only loyal when Ursula is there. Then you should see how adorable and cute he can be.
Now he doesn’t like the fact that I call him cute. Anyway, I’ll stop now and slip into the hammock. Hanging out. That’s something. You should do it too!
Yours, Sally
